I Am An Empath
Without realizing it, I had spent the better part of my adult life with high functioning depression and high anxiety. I never got diagnosed because it never occurred to me that something is actually wrong…I just assumed that something is wrong with me, and if I were a better person, I wouldn’t have these struggles. But I don’t want to focus on the depression or the anxiety today – I want to talk about one of their root causes in my life: I am an empath.
If you don’t know what that means, it means that I feel very deeply and strongly into the emotions of the world around me: I care disproportionately about others and their wellbeing. If you tell me about a hurt or injustice happening to someone else, I will feel it as strongly as if it were happening to me…so watching the news, going through a downsizing, or witnessing a colleague’s life fall apart becomes almost unbearably painful…and experiencing that within my own life, utterly destructive. And here’s the kicker: as an empath, people always sought me out, to tell me the difficult things going on for them…because I’m a great listener, and they sensed I would sit with them in their pain, making it safe and even comforting to open up to me. Without the proper tools and boundaries, I would end up sponging up all that pain and energy from others. Much like that soaked sponge, I would be dragged down by that emotional weight for the rest of the day, and into the next, and the one after that, not having any emotional reserve left for my own life. I would come home and simply pass out in front of the TV with barely energy to drag myself up to bed. I dreaded getting up in the morning, and had to drag myself against my will. On the drive to work, I would regularly burst into tears, then sticker on a smile, and then smile so furiously all day trying to convince the world and myself that “I’ve got this”. But the truth was, I was hanging on by a thread. I was teeter-tottering on the verge of a complete emotional breakdown for years, and I had no idea how to get myself out of it. Until I started working with my own coaches, learning new tools, and healing/releasing the accumulation of hurt of past decades.
I wonder how many of you out there, both men and women, are struggling with this same gift of sensitivity, that left unacknowledged and unsupported is turning your life into a personal hell? How many of you out there are surrounded by loved ones, colleagues and leaders who have absolutely no frame of reference of what I’m talking about, and brush it off with “you’re too sensitive”, “stop taking everything so personally”, “suck it up and get over it”? That type of advice (actually well intentioned, believe it or not) is like repeated blows to the gut for an empath. I promise you, if we knew how to ‘get over it’ we would!...but we can’t. So we have to learn ways to live with it, accept it, and give it the nurture it requires, so we can in turn come back and nurture this hurting world in ways only an empath can.
These are extremely challenging times to be an empath. The world is suffering on so many levels, you just need 10mins with the evening news to spiral into a sense of utter hopelessness. With the work I’ve put in, I now have the tools and practices I needed to show up for my clients wholeheartedly, without allowing my work to deplete me. I also openly share these tools with my coaching clients to help them successfully navigate their own sensitivity, and if you know me, you know that unleashing creativity is a big and powerful component in that.
If my personal struggle here resonates, or brings tears to your eyes, you might be an empath. Use this Bell Let’s talk day to give yourself permission to talk to someone about it: it could be me, it doesn’t have to be. Just make sure it’s someone who understands empaths, and is ready to provide genuine support.
It’s time to start making changes for YOU,
