How To Get Over Your Fear
I constantly get asked “How did you get over your own fears?” And the truthful answer is I didn’t. I still do. Everyday.
People have this misconception that fear is a static wall that’s keeping them away from inner peace and outer paradise. That once they find the courage to climb over this wall, everything they ever wanted will fall into place, and it will be an easy journey from that point on. That’s not quite how it works.
Fear is not static – it exists within us, as one of our valuable emotions. That means that wherever we go, whatever we decide to do, we’re going to bring our fear along for the ride. In that sense, fear is less like a wall, and more like a skipping rope, that we hold, and have to jump over, repeatedly, on our way to what we want. And as we gain momentum in our life, we have to be ready to jump over the fear more often and faster.
So how do you actually get over fear? You develop the skill, habit and practice of seeing it coming, and learning how to jump over it, again, and again and again without losing momentum, or enthusiasm. As funny as it might sound, a big part of getting over fear is to stop being afraid of the emotion. Fear’s job is to keep us safe, and anything that’s new could potentially be unsafe…but it doesn’t have to be. Our job is to notice the fear, and decide for ourselves whether it is appropriate to act on it, or not. That’s it. That’s the whole secret. It’s not about finding a way to never feel that emotion again, but rather to be present and courageous enough to choose to keep going in the presence of fear.
You already knew this, you just forgot: when you got on that rollercoaster, when you picked up the thriller novel or bought the horror movie ticket, when you went on your first date or your first job interview, you felt the fear and chose to do it anyway. Your desired outcome was bigger, more important, or even amplified by the presence of fear. The exact same principle applies to the other big decisions we make in our life.
So why do we get stuck in the fear? We get stuck when all our focus goes on the fear, and the messages (aka doubts) that fear sends, instead of the value and benefits of overcoming it. Spend enough time listening to your doubts, and inevitably you will lose your nerve. “I’m just not sure I’m cut out for this!” “I don’t think I’m good enough” “I’m just not ready” etc…
Yes you have fear, but you are not your fear. You also have courage, perseverance, and inspiration. Spend more time embodying those, and listening to their messages, and fear gets put back in its rightful place: as one of many deciding factors in your ultimate choice on how to live your life.
